Dreams Come Alive

Popped out for a 2 hour run yesterday evening with my heart rate monitor (HRT) setting a pace which Stu Mittleman calls the Most Efficient Pace, designed to train the body to burn fat rather than sugar or glycogen.

It has been over half a year since I started training with a HRT and I am beginning to get used to it as a running companion and guide. It wasn’t always this way. My earlier experiences with it were frustrating and maddening – the vast array of data and beeping alarms proving to be so bewildering that running with it seemed to hamper, rather than help, my performance training. 

According to the MEP calculations, my set heart rate zone allows for only a ten beat differential within the top and bottom limits. Exceeding either of these limits triggers a beeping alarm to remind me to either slow down or hasten my pace. This frequently led to situations where I either slowed down or sped up too much such that my heart rate crossed the other limit. It was a constant struggle just trying to maintain a consistent pace.

But the beeping – and silence – simply acts as a feedback mechanism. It is an audible reminder that what I am doing is not working and that I need to make some adjustments to my pacing or breathing or technique. This feedback mechanism gives me information and I am free to do whatever I want with it – to change something or ignore it or allow myself to get riled up. 

It is the same way in life. We are constantly receiving information from people around us – our child refuses to listen to us; our spouse gets annoyed with us; a client relationship breaks down; a colleague gives less than 100 percent to a team task; a subordinate performs the same task poorly an umpteenth time…

These symptoms are reminders that something is not quite right, that something different need to be done and we can be the one to make that adjustment. We can choose to use this information to satisfy our desired outcome or pretend it is not there or slip into victim mode and blame the other party. The choice is ours.

Learn to use all this external noise and feedback to help us grow. Just like I learnt to value the beeping from my HRT to enhance my running performance, so too we can value the constant feedback in our lives to better our quality of living.

Insanity is to do the same thing over and over again while expecting a different result – Albert Einstein

I went for my fitting for a new suit at my tailor’s on Saturday. Coming from a lousy week where I had let a client down, watching my tailor in action got me thinking about how we pay attention to the things that matter in our lives.

Every single detail of my body structure, and hence the suit, is important. These include my arm position and the way I stand, as well as the position of the buttons, the pocket levels and size and width of the lapel. A bespoke tailor in the traditional mould, tailoring is a meticulous art to him, just like architecture. His painstaking attention to the subtle details on a suit is seen in his precision with every stitch and every measurement.

What about our relationships? What if we paid half as much attention to the quality of our conversations and interactions with our loved ones? What would our relationships with our parents, our children, our spouses, our colleagues and our friends be like?

To begin, I will practise 3 things.

Firstly, be fully present in each conversation. That means no watching tv or web surfing or thinking about something else at the same time. This robs the other person of what I have to offer. Give the other person my full attention and energy, and hence, my respect.

Secondly, make it safe. When safety is at risk, people adopt a flight or fight response. This shows up in silent fuming, masking of emotions, aggressive confrontations and blaming conversations. Make it safe for the other person to talk about almost anything and build an intimate relationship.

Thirdly, leave the other person better off. Even after a crucial dialogue or relationship has broken down, fully experience my experience. Manage my emotions, turn to others for support and then return to get some form of closure.

After all, a ruined suit can be thrown away but a ruined relationship will forever burn in our hearts.