Dreams Come Alive

I went for my fitting for a new suit at my tailor’s on Saturday. Coming from a lousy week where I had let a client down, watching my tailor in action got me thinking about how we pay attention to the things that matter in our lives.

Every single detail of my body structure, and hence the suit, is important. These include my arm position and the way I stand, as well as the position of the buttons, the pocket levels and size and width of the lapel. A bespoke tailor in the traditional mould, tailoring is a meticulous art to him, just like architecture. His painstaking attention to the subtle details on a suit is seen in his precision with every stitch and every measurement.

What about our relationships? What if we paid half as much attention to the quality of our conversations and interactions with our loved ones? What would our relationships with our parents, our children, our spouses, our colleagues and our friends be like?

To begin, I will practise 3 things.

Firstly, be fully present in each conversation. That means no watching tv or web surfing or thinking about something else at the same time. This robs the other person of what I have to offer. Give the other person my full attention and energy, and hence, my respect.

Secondly, make it safe. When safety is at risk, people adopt a flight or fight response. This shows up in silent fuming, masking of emotions, aggressive confrontations and blaming conversations. Make it safe for the other person to talk about almost anything and build an intimate relationship.

Thirdly, leave the other person better off. Even after a crucial dialogue or relationship has broken down, fully experience my experience. Manage my emotions, turn to others for support and then return to get some form of closure.

After all, a ruined suit can be thrown away but a ruined relationship will forever burn in our hearts.