Dreams Come Alive

Recently I conducted two workshops for parents whose children were in varying levels of primary school. The content included their child’s psychological Stages of Development, Multiple Intelligences and the 5 love languages.

According to marriage counsellor Dr. Gary Chapman, we all identify primarily with one of the five love languages: Physical Touch, Quality Time, Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service and Receiving Gifts. This theory of love languages can be applied to any relationship – parent and child; between spouses or life partners.

One of the reasons why my girlfriend, Jillian, and I hit it off so well and so deeply and feel so loved by each other is that we share the same love language and share them in the exact same order. And just as importantly, we are on the same page when it comes to defining and displaying our commitment.

We practise the Back to Basics style of love. Eschewing extravagant dinners, flamboyant gifts, elaborate declarations and theatrical demonstrations, we make a habit of firmly holding hands, tightly holding each other close, being fully present when in each other’s company, talking openly and freely affirming.

Love is a work in progress. Yes it takes work, and consistent work too. Large one-off displays can never replace the constant practice of meeting your partner’s needs. An oasis in the middle of a desert welcomes a weary traveller with simple shade and natural water without the need for manicured gardens or fancy taps.

When I was out in the desert during the Sahara Race, I learnt to appreciate the simple basics of sustenance and nourishment. Now that I am back in the urban jungle negotiating the complexities of life, I am keeping to the same fundamentals of loving and being loved.

As Mother Teresa put it so succinctly, “In life we cannot do great things, only small things with great love”.

What a wonderful week last week was. It began in high spirits with a team building training I conducted for a group of 50 young high-flyers from various government ministries and agencies. A full day session to kickstart a two week long developmental course for them, it was a light hearted affair which had them exploring their automatic reactions to the multitude of changes that happen around them; the different ways in which they take in and analyse information; and their comfortable modes of communication. Above all it was a day for them to build professional connections and relationships with their fellow civil servants.

I love running such sessions because it gives me a chance to take a look at my own preferences and self facilitate my learning and awareness while contributing to the growth of other people. I also enjoy it as training such a group of intellectuals and top performers provides me with much thinking stimulation and keeps on my toes. And of course it is always fun to create an environment and atmosphere of fun and laughter, especially for adults.

The week then ended with a heart warming message from an ex student who got in touch with me out of the blue, thanks to Facebook. He said that it was partly because of me that he picked himself out of the depths to go for consultations with tutors, eventually securing an A grade for his Economics.

The thing is that while I remember him, I can hardly recall doing anything specific that may have made such a difference to him. And that got me reflecting on how every single thing that we say or do – a word of affirmation, a listening ear, a pat on the shoulder, an encouraging comment, a smile or a nod of the head – many set in motion a serious of events that results in tremendous impact on somebody’s life.

So as we begin a new week, let’s start being conscious of how we are and what we do with the people around us. You never know the difference you are making to their lives.

Two weeks into the new year, I wonder how many people are still keeping to their new year resolutions and how many actually remember what their resolutions are. Spending more time with family and loved ones, getting fit, losing weight, saving money, quitting smoking, doing more voluntary work, getting organised, growing and developing self…

The online Oxford dictionary defines resolution as ‘a firm decision’ and I believe that may give a clue as to why so many people fail so quickly when it comes to New Year resolutions. We make firm decisions to do something (notice how the typical resolutions above begin with action words ie verbs) but without any idea or clarity on what the actions will lead to (outcomes or results ie goal) there lacks the incentive or motivation to carry them out.

Working toward a goal is a continual process that takes work. A lot of times, this work calls for us to step out of our comfort zones and adjust our usual routines. Are you willing to do that? That is another way of asking why your goal is important to you. What do you get out of achieving it? How will you feel when your dreams come alive? Will you commit to doing whatever it takes to get what you want? What are you willing to do and prepared to give up?

These are questions that I ponder and revisit regularly as I work toward my goals for this year. Some of my dreams that will come alive in 2010 are:

1) completion of two ultra endurance desert races in the Gobi desert in June and Antarctica in November, in the process making a difference to more lives (more on this in coming blog posts)

2) release of my inspirational book that draws out valuable lessons from the Sahara Race which influence how we view and lead our everyday lives

3) a trusting, nurturing, secure and loving relationship with Jillian, a very special someone now in my life

Time to get to work…

I bumped into a neighbour in the lift this afternoon and after we exchanged pleasantries and wished each other a happy new year, his response to my question “What does 2010 have in store for you?” was a drop in the shoulders, a resigned look and a lacklustre “It’s the same thing, year in, year out. What is there to look forward to?”

This is something that I have noticed in many people, the shrug of the shoulders and a subdued lament best encapsulated in the Singlish “like dat lor”. What is it like, living life this way, with nothing to look forward to? Every year and everyday is a relentless slog, where problems take centre stage over possibilities.

Whatever happened to the childlike excitement; that inspired anticipation; that positive expectancy? What if everyday brings forth new creations and new challenges to excel in? What if we wake up looking forward to start the day because there is a glorious goal to achieve, a dream to make come alive? Just think what a difference that would make to our daily lives.

Even in the habitual activities, what if everytime was like the first time? Just like falling in love, looking into our partner’s eyes, that light kiss, the hand holding…the shivers down the spine and quickening of the heartbeat. There used to be an Emirates TV commercial with the tagline When was the last time you did something for the first time? That ’something’ does not necessarily have to be a new thing. It could be a normal, usual thing which you see or experience as if it was the first time. Imagine how different your life could be with this new perspective. Choose to have it this way. Choose happiness. Choose joy.

What is one thing you want to do for the first time today?