Dreams Come Alive

I ended my previous entry on listening more to my body, and boy, is it talking to me! In fact it is throwing an almighty tantrum. Physically I am feeling very tender with aches all over my body, blurred vision and plunging energy levels. Mentally I cannot string two full sentences together and just typing this entry is taking three times longer than usual as I constantly have to hit the ‘backspace’ button. It’s almost as if I am under the influence of a mind altering drug. Emotionally I am quite spent, having spent the entire last week on two empowerment workshops for youths, which took a lot out of me than I had imagined.

As a result I have had to cancel all work appointments and have spent the previous three days cooped up at home. My sole foray out of the house was this morning as I just about made it to the Egyptian Embassy to apply for my visa, only to realise that I had neglected to bring along a photo. On the upside I picked up my Platypus hydration system from the wonderful people at Campers Corner. Still need 8 Singapore flag patches to be sewn onto my clothing but can’t seem to find them anywhere even though I am sure I have chanced across numerous shops selling them in the past. But I came up empty handed even after a trip down to Peninsula Plaza. Would certainly appreciate someone pointing me in the right direction should they have any clue where I can get them.

The date for my departure to Egypt inches ever closer and I have to admit my anxiety levels are shooting up. In fact I am getting rather fearful. All sorts of questions keep popping into my head. Do I have all the right equipment? Have I missed anything? Why did I sign up for this in the first place? What if I don’t complete it? Am I ready, physically and mentally, for this? Have I trained enough? This last question, is of course, moot, since it is rather late to do anything about training, especially in my current state.

Nonetheless I have been encouraged by an anecdote from the book “Born to Run” that I recently started to read. One small section goes like this: “…this ninety-five year old man came hiking twenty-five miles over the mountain. Know why he could do it? Because no one ever told him he couldn’t. No one ever told him he oughta be off dying somewhere in an old age home. You live up to your own expectations man.” How very thought provoking… 

I am so fortunate to have so many people rooting for me and willing me on. In fact it is their constant affirmations and encouragements that lift me up and keep me moving forward. I am running to raise funds to make it possible for students from low income families to make it through school and I know it is a noble and important cause. At the same time the knowledge and reminders that I am already inspiring people – from young children to teenagers and adults – to go live their lives and have their dreams come alive is absolutely brilliant. That people are already benefitting – from those I personally know or have met, people whom I can put a face to, or who have heard of me – somehow makes a difference and is simply awesome. I know I can’t possibly let them down.

Maybe falling ill right now is actually a good thing. It is my body’s way of having me spend time with, and for, myself so that I will be in tip top shape come October.

This is the game of life. You never know how hard it will be. You never know when it will end. You can’t control it. You can only adjust.

Acceptance.