Dreams Come Alive

So it is upon us. 2012.

The last days of 2011 were a blend of joyous love and raucous laughter as I brought Jillian and returned to the UK to spend Christmas, my birthday and New Year with my parents. I last spent the year-end festivities with my family 10 years ago, so this visit was especially special.

We celebrated our time with one another:

All spruced up for midnight mass. My parents and myself in front of our Christmas tree after yet another splendid dinner prepared by mum.

We celebrated our successes:

My first book! It speaks of the inspiration and perspirations behind my ultra endurance races in the 4 great deserts of Sahara, Gobi, Atacama and Antarctica and how the lessons learnt can be transferred from race world to real world.

We celebrated what is to come this year:

A perfect way to start the new year! Along with 7 other Professional Members of the Asia Professional Speakers Singapore, I will be speaking at this inspiring one-day conference packed with great ideas and techniques to enhance work, life and family. Click on the banner for more and to register. Not to be missed!

2012 is a new year and the same old me. Some old habits I will take along and continue practising and some new habits I will form to help me be a better man.

What actions will you take in 2012?

It is the first time I am blogging in almost two months. This is because I have spent this period feverishly completing my first-ever book Runaway Success: Life Lessons from Ultra Endurance Racing. The book has been in the making for the past year but 90% of the writing actually came in the last couple of months.

In producing the book, I have been putting into practice something which I learnt a while back at a book camp by Dan Poynter. He said, “do something about your book every single day”. And yes, I have been doing something about my book every single day. That something could be actual writing or chapter planning; searching for publishers/printers or looking for ideas; promoting the book on my Facebook status or telling someone about it; using the lessons from the book in a keynote presentation or structuring the content points.

However big or small, I have been doing something about the book. The result is my first book going to press and pre-order sales in progress. It is a terrific habit to put into practice and one which I have personally benefitted in experience. And it can be applied to any big goal that we have set.

If you are planning on a career change, what can you do every single day to prepare for your entry into a new job? If you are building a relationship, what can you do every single day to deepen that bond? If you are intending to start a business, what can you do every single day to get it off the ground?

If you really want something, if you have a compelling desire, if it is really important, do something about your goal every single day.

Turn the papers everyday and we see the latest performance of the stock market against a 52-week high and low. Go past a construction site and we see banners proudly proclaiming the number of days gone by without an accident. Visit a tourist attraction and we are reminded of the number of guests they have received.

Why do all these companies update their figures daily? Because the numbers tell them how they are doing. Those numbers are their results. The statistics act as a feedback on what’s working and what’s not working.

We are now well into the final quarter of 2011 and it has been nine months since you set your goals for 2011. How are you doing? Where are you in your health, wealth and relationships? What have you been practising or not practising?

One of the best ways to assimilate what we have learnt into our lives is to take small steps and turn them into a ritual. Morning ritual at school is the ringing of the school bell, singing of the national anthem and reciting of the pledge. Driving rituals consist of adjusting the seat and mirrors and checking gauges, lights and brakes before moving off. Services at churches, mosques and temples are full of familiar rituals. Our lives are full of rituals. They are habitual practices and most happen at a level of unconscious competence. That means we do them so frequently that we don’t need to think about them anymore; we just do them.

As you wind up the final months of this year and take your life into 2012, this is a good time to develop some rituals as you take action toward your commitments. Maybe it is starting the day with a smile and glass of water. Maybe it is giving your children a hug. Maybe it is asking your spouse how his/her day has been. Maybe it is pausing before responding.

Whatever you decide as a ritual, make sure it’s a small step that is manageable. Make sure you recognize and acknowledge yourself each time you do it. And I personally find this helps me a great deal – I make sure I write it somewhere visible where I see it everyday. It’s just like the stock market statistics, construction accident numbers and guest arrival figures. They stare you in the face every single day. What will you do with them?

I was at Sentosa for a staycation last weekend and two events came as a timely self-check.

At one of the monorail stations was a long queue of people. As a train pulled in the hordes surged forward and the compartment quickly filled up. A family was just in front of me, the mother pushing a bulky pram containing a sleeping child. The little one’s serene slumber contrasted with the frenetic noise all around him. Trying to squeeze her way into an empty space in the tight compartment, the mother got the pram stuck against a railing. There was no way through and no way back. Out of the crowds emerged a pair of hands emerged and adjusted the front of the pram so the mother could wheel it in. She capped her actions with a smile. While everyone else simply stood and stared at the mother and baby, this girl chose to reach out and help.

The second episode took place at Resorts World Sentosa. After being given sent on a wild goose chase by a condescending, suited employee of the hotel, we found ourselves at the basement carpark. This was far from where we wanted to be. Two young carpark attendants on their way for break sensed our distress and offered to help. They then proceeded to escort us all the way across the other side of the resort to the exit we were looking for. Along the way they played guide, pointing out the various attractions and restaurants. It took a big chunk off their precious break, but they thought nothing of going out of the way to help us.

The young lady in the first instance was dressed in a skimpy pair of shorts and T-shirt which exposed ample tattoos on her arms and legs. The two young men turned out to be students in the Institute of Education (ITE), commonly disparaged as the place for failures.

I do not need to go into how we might typically label people with a certain physical appearance or from a certain school. In fact I would be lying if I said that I never harboured any judgements about them. But I am glad to have some of my assumptions proved wrong that weekend. It was a reminder to look past the superficial at the beauty that lies within each and every single person.

What about you? Is there someone you are living and working with whom you have made up your mind about? If you were to put that assessment aside for just one moment, what gem could you uncover about him/her?

 Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves. Carl Jung

“It is only by being on the edge that we know who we really are.” This line, uttered by villain Gustav Graves in Die Another Day, a spy film in the James Bond series, is one I can identify with.

In a bid to feel alive, I have thrown myself over more than a few edges – that is, the edges of airplanes. I have over a hundred skydives to my credit and on every single one of those jumps I have scared myself silly. But nothing can describe the sense of exhilaration that washed over me every single time I landed safely under my parachute. That one time I came crashing down in high speeds onto the tarmac of a Sri Lankan airport runway and miraculously escaped with a relatively light punishment of six months on crutches gave rise to an even more heightened appreciation of life.

But those were mere thrills, short lived moments of adrenaline-pumping rushes. Dissatisfied, I took the plunge into desert footracing. I put myself on the edge of survival and pushed the envelope of performance. To blend mind and body and take myself into a world less trodden, that is what adventure is about. It is the curiosity to see what is on the other side, to peer into a deeper understanding of self. The body lends itself as a vehicle, the hardware that complements the software – the mind. And over the course of the gruelling journey, the heartware is revealed.

That, then, is the essence, the reward, and the heart of adventure: not a dramatic climax that demands to be fed, but peace. Peace is the outcome of adventure. The next stage is to turn that physical adventure into a broader base, a practice to seek adventure in life. To live a life adventure.

I never thought I’d hear myself say this, but I think I’m getting fat. Well, fatter anyway. The recent struggle to button up my jeans and trousers is evidence to suggest that I have breached the 30-inch waistline.

Lest you launch into quick judgement and decry my sounding like a teenage girl, I have to say that I am not concerned about the impact on how I look. No no, on the contrary, I am very satisfied about my physical appearance. My unease is over the practical issue of an impending wardrobe adjustment as well as the feeling of carrying about more weight on my slight frame.

Looking at the overweight and obese, I genuinely wonder how they feel lugging all that extra kilos around. Beyond the physical discomfort, how about the increased weariness, easy tiredness, ebbing moods?

Perhaps my own experience of declining energy and waning attention has more to do with the fact that I have been exercising less in recent months following the completion of my 4 Deserts aspirations. And the increasing girth is just the symptom of a sedentary lifestyle.

So in true Type-A personality fashion I have launched myself into training for a 100 km race in October. Having a target to shoot for gives me the impetus and a reason to lace up and head out the door for a jog.

And as the last two weeks have shown, once I am out and slowly grinding out the miles, it feels good to hear the rhythmic soft thuds of my shoes connecting with the ground. It feels good to feel the soft breeze against my face. It feels good to cast my eyes on the ever changing skies and faces of fellow joggers. It feels good to be out doing what I enjoy.

Feel good. Today.

What a month it has been! June is always a busy period as the school holidays mean creating space in between my corporate work for school programmes with students and teachers.

As I mentioned in a previous post, I love what I do with corporate professionals and military officers for the intellectual stimulation and business dynamism. At the same time, the occasional work with children is good for my soul and the time spent with youths infuses me with energy and anticipation.

Somewhere in between work I caught up with a group of my former students, now in their mid twenties and making the transition from university to the workplace. One is a talented artist seeking purpose for his creations. Another is contemplating his passions in flying and law. Yet another is stretching himself and his horizons in civil engineering. Two have followed the noble path into teaching. And two others are wading into the heady world of banking and finance.

To be invited back into their midst and to sit there listening and inquiring (the coach in me could not resist the temptation to spring some questions to challenge them further), I was extremely proud to know that I was a part of their journey. I can’t put into words the immense satisfaction I felt from watching them grow and blossom – all the while remaining grounded – into such fine young men ready to leave their mark on the world. And that was when I realized what is it that makes me do what I do, that is, to get to say, “I was there”.

Somewhere along the way, I asked a question, told a story, gave a lecture, offered a piece of advice, shared a part of my life. Somewhere along the way, I challenged, provoked, galvanised, enthused, inspired. Somewhere along the way, I was a teacher, a confidant, a coach, a role model, a friend. And somewhere along their way, I made a difference. I was useful. I was there.

For all teachers out there, the school term reopens this week and you will continue that ritual of entering your classroom to see those familiar faces in front of you. Know that every hour you have with those expectant lives is a privilege. For in that short period the whole world outside ceases to exist. It’s only you and them. What will YOU do with this privilege?

Sitting in quiet café taking a breather from a particularly busy period of work, I find myself reflecting on the first half of the year as it draws to a close. I always look forward to these moments of stopping and taking a look. It gives me a healthy sense of perspective and acts as a self check mechanism. How much have I grown? Am I on track or off track? What do I acknowledge myself for? What are the things and people I am grateful for? And, importantly, where do I go from here?

Peter Senge, acclaimed ‘Strategist of the Century’ by the Journal of Business Strategy, wrote the seminal management book that popularized the concept of the ‘learning organization’. In The Fifth Discipline, he explores the principle of creative tension, which “comes from seeing clearly where we want to be, our vision, and telling the truth about where we are, our current reality. The gap between the two generates a natural tension.”

Just like a stretched rubber band, creative tension seeks release and resolution ie. it wants to snap back together. This can be resolved in two ways: by raising current reality toward the vision, or by lowering the vision toward current reality. In other words, we either take action toward our goals and vision or we scale back on what we want.

Lowering our vision is the easy way out and combats the emotional tension of not seeing the results that we want. The moment we scale back on what we want, we heave a sigh of relieve and the tension is released. But this is the action of compromise and mediocrity.

The other way is use the creative energy generated from the tension and seek resolution by taking inspired action. What we then need to recognize is the delay that will occur. A noble vision or important goal takes time to realize. Our actions are less of a sprint and more likely resemble an endurance race. Hence the necessity for short term objectives, for acknowledging our little wins, for building a support network, for taking those little steps that accumulate to a giant leap.

By continually taking stock of where you are, you get an accurate picture of your current reality. By continually revisiting your vision, you generate a compelling picture of your future. Then manage the gap and take the path toward excellence and extraordinariness.

It is not what your goal, dream or vision is, but what it does. What will you do?

It has been a tremendously busy month (busy is good!) and I have been inspired by a number of people around me so I thought it useful to pose the following questions to the busy people out there:

Are you caught up in activity or are you taking inspired action?

Are you letting others suck the life out of you or are you breathing life into others?

Are you swept along by the flow or are you living your personal mission?

Your life. YOU live it.

Three disparate events in my life this past week carried a similar underlying theme.

First, a two-day workshop to upskill Maura Fay’s Singapore-based trainers impressed upon me the robustness of their programmes and the level of thought that had gone into their design and delivery. To work alongside Janet and Nicole is an opportunity for me to continue mastering my craft of training and speaking. But above all, it was their human-ness that stood out. Their sensitivity in tuning in to people and their genuine interest in making a difference heartened and invigorated me.

Singapore’s most hotly contested General Elections in decades laid bare the issues concerning our nation and provided a lesson or two in leadership. Beyond splendid resumes and striking track records, the people are calling out for leaders with a heart. It was back to basics stuff, the message was clear: we want you to treasure us as human beings, not our votes; we need to know that you care about us and are listening to us. This GE is a victory for our humanity.

At a funeral for a close family member, I observed the different mourners and couldn’t help but notice the beauty in all of us. When strong people in powerful positions let down their status and reputations to reveal their vulnerability, love flows. I realized a deeper respect, admiration and connection for several relatives who, in their grief, showed a part of themselves that was raw, that was real.

As the Beatles reminded us, all you need is love. And perhaps that is why when all is said and done, people will forget what we did and they will forget what we had, but they will always remember how we made them feel. Who are you making a difference to today?